photo by Brooke Raymond
We all get into arguments from time to time. But how do you deal with those people who consistently want to fight and act like they are always right? Contradicting them just feeds their desire for conflict and will frustrate and cause strife. Here are a five alternative methods for dealing with this type of difficult person.
- Smile.
Deflect the anger. Ask questions designed to get the other person to think about why he or she is upset. it’s very difficult to argue with someone who is smiling and conversing without resistance. - Let them think your point of view is their own.
To do this requires some subtlety but is very powerful against extremely stubborn people who will never admit they are wrong. The trick is to ask questions designed to manipulate the person into arriving at your conclusion “on their own.” - Admit your mistakes.
If you did something wrong or made a mistake, just be humble and admit it. This sounds like you’re conceding defeat, but actually this wins immediately since it takes the combative person completely off guard. One of two things usually happens next: either the other person will feel bad for even bringing up the issue and will suddenly be very helpful, or they won’t know how to respond immediately which gives you the opportunity to say something leading the conversation into a more productive direction. - Shut up.
“One of the lessons of history is that nothing is often a good thing to do
and always a clever thing to say.”
~ Will DurantThis is an especially strong technique when you know you’re right and you suspect the other person knows it but isn’t ready to admit it. Let the person fumble and squirm around while you just listen.
- Do Not Attack
Whatever you do, do not attack the other person. Sure, you might know the exact thing to say to hit ‘em where it hurts. You might be cold and calculating with your logic and reduce the argument (and the person’s self-esteem) to dust. Or you could follow the techniques above and come away from the argument with an ally instead of a foe. Your choice.
Update: This post was featured in The Personal Development Blog Carnival.
22 comments ↓
[…] 5 Simple Tricks to Help You Win Any Argument […]
Hey Jamin,
These are simple tips that are conveniently forgotten in the heat of any argument. Thanks for reminding
Cheers
James
I have yet to have an arguement with my child. But when the time comes I think I’ll just ignore him.
Jenny: how old is your child? Too young to argue or just well behaved?
Why aren’t “YELL REALLY LOUD” and “Resort to violence” on the list?
David: those will be on the list of the next article I write: What to Do if the 5 Simple Tricks Don’t Work.
Child? Oops I use these tips with my hubby. It works too. Trust me!!
very good!
Diana: shhh. I won’t tell anyone.
lauren: thanks!
Some leaders of our government should read this.
[…] presents 5 Simple Tricks to Help You Win Any Argument posted at WondR.net, saying, “We all get into arguments from time to time. But how do you […]
Thanks for linking back to the Personal Development Carnival. All of these tips are great… and I can also affirm that they work well with spouses, no matter what the gender.
[…] was reading another post about 5 Simple tricks to help you win any argument […]
I don’t know about the smiling when arguing, i think this would make me even more angrier if someone smiled at me when I was venting my anger. Apart from that I think these are good tips.
That’s probably a good point, Steven. You definitely run the risk of pissing the person off if you are too passive aggressive and just sit there smiling.
i like this site. it posts a lot of tips and hints and practical how-to’s. this rocks!
Point 2 - Let them think your point of view is their own
Care to give some example? I can’t seem to understand and apply it in real life.
Alex,
Good question. I think this is worth of an entirely new post. Give me a week or so and I’ll write an article.
Hi Jamin,
great post, thanks! (Just came across.)
I agree with your points and I think that staying positive, trying to understand other people’s motivation and needs and looking for a win-win solution where possible is a key. And if another person isn’t interested in considering your point of view at all — maybe it’s just easier and more effective to simply disagree and move on.
Cheers,
Anna
[…] Gray at Wondr gives us 5 simple tricks to help you win any argument. I think this is a good starting point, but could be expanded […]
Excellent starting point, with potential pitfalls, as suggested e.g. smiling (smugly).
At the risk of sounding idealistic (highly likely since I am, indeed, somewhat idealistic - partly because I am very aware of the ‘Real’ world - I also think there is merit in starting from a different ‘place’, which is to move away from winning (even the ‘win-win’ kind), (skilfully) seeking mutual benefit, with a willing commitment to work toward and settle for unilateral understanding.
That latter is based on the 4th of Stephen Covey’s Seven Habits for Highly Effective people, namely, Seek First to Understand (then to be understood).
My next book, based on a model or framework for effective communication that I’ve been developing over the last two years, is called Clean and Crafty Listening.
The acronym, crafty, ’stands for’ the qualities and skills required to be
* Curious
* Responsive
* Assertive
* Focused
* Thoughtful
and a
* Yes!
attitude (based on the notion of intelligent optimism)
I’ve developed the model by faciliating workshops such as Clean and Crafty Classrooms / Parenting / Managing / Supervision / Counselling / Diversity, etc., and, thus far, it (or helping people to acquire and apply the requisite skills) works extremely well as a template for effective communication, conflict resolution, empowerment, etc.
I have only just subscribed, so I am not sure what the rules ae for this forum e.g. whether or not it is permissible to post articles. If it is, then I’ll contribute something on Crafty Listening.
go well
Mm
Thank you for posting this article. I also try hard to work on winning an argument lol as much as humanly possible lol and this article helps tremendously. My appreciation to you is in the highest sense.
To show you my gratitude I would like to share with you a post I found that also helps with relationships: http://consciousflex.blogspot.com/2008/01/how-to-dissolve-problems-in-human.html
Thank you indeed. I hope it helps you and others who read as much as this post of yours as helped, please keep up the incredible work in helping others!
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